keep your identity massive

why I won't stop adding to my identity

There’s this Paul Graham essay that way too many of my friends are obsessed with called “Keep Your Identity Small”. He concludes, “The more labels you have for yourself, the dumber they make you.”

Let’s get something out of the way first: I think a lot of people in my circles misinterpret this essay. I don’t think Paul is saying you should just ditch the label and start calling yourself a “Christ-follower” instead of a “Christian” or “EA-adjacent” instead of an “Effective Altruist”. I think he’s saying you genuinely shouldn’t identify with one belief system. I think he’s saying that you can believe that Jesus rose from the dead, or that you have a moral obligation to help others, but you shouldn’t identify with those beliefs so you have a better chance of changing them.

I’m not questioning Paul’s observation that a lot of discussions about politics and religion (and philosophy generally!) become very stupid arguments, especially on the internet.

It’s not about how Paul is actually an atheist , and it seems a little cheap for someone with no religion to say no one should identify with a religion.

But Paul is just wrong when he says, “people can never have a fruitful argument about something that's part of their identity.” I’ve had useful conversations about politics and religion and other kinds of philosophy with people who have all kinds of strongly held beliefs. Not every person can have those kinds of useful conversations, but most people can under the right circumstances.

Circumstances that lead to useful conversations about deeply held beliefs:

• Face-to-face (or shoulder-to-shoulder)

• In a small group

• With people you feel comfortable being pretty vulnerable with

• And a spirit of humility and genuine curiosity

• Where no one is trying to win - at least not overtly

• And everyone feels comfortable saying, “Yeah I’ll have to think about that” and then moving the conversation on

There are some advantages to identifying with a lot of communities and beliefs and identities, too. Yael Schonbrun says that developing multiple facets of your identity helps you find resilience in tough times. Work disasters feel more manageable when you can go home to hugs and kisses from your babies, faith crises are more tolerable when you can throw yourself into your work, during family challenges you can find comfort in your faith. And of course, these kind of identity labels are often super useful for people who don’t know you well to get to know many of your beliefs quickly.

Here’s the alternative to a small identity that I try to live out: I immerse myself in groups of people who are often very different from me. I spend time with them, learn their norms, and grow to truly care about them. I start to understand what they value and why they believe what they believe. I often adopt some of those beliefs myself. If I feel like it fits, I might even adopt their label - like I adopted the label of “Effective Altruist”. And I do that over and over again.

So when I’m talking about politics with someone, I remember how the libertarians I used to eat cake with every Thursday afternoon would respond, and what the religious social conservatives from my hometown deeply value, and why my university lecturers promoted certain policies, and all of those relationships, all the beliefs I’ve picked up along the way, play a role in my conversation.

And when I’m watching the Olympics, I cheer for Canada (my home country) and Britain (my adopted country) and Germany (my mother’s country) and Nigeria and Columbia and sometimes China, depending on the day, and anyone with a touching backstory. And sometimes that means I’m cheering for half the competitors!

I think life is more fun that way, and I bet I’m learning more too.