hosting events with less stress
tips from Sam Hilton on hosting group dinners, secular solstice and more
When I first met Sam, I was shocked by how casually he’d invite 20+ EA friends over for dinner. Despite his small London apartment being filled with people at the dining table, on the sofa, and sitting on cushions on the floor, he always seemed relaxed and at ease. Since then, I’ve seen him host dozens of events - group dinners, secular solstice gatherings, EA retreats - without breaking a sweat.
Sam says the key is that “I’m hosting events that I want in ways that I find easy.” But I pushed him for a few more tips that I’m sharing with you.
Sam’s tips for low-stress hosting
host the type of events you find easier. “Host the things that you’re comfortable with,” Sam advises. For example, he enjoys cooking so regularly hosts large dinners, but typically avoids hosting structured events that require a lot of preparation. Some of his friends are the opposite, preferring to host a series of improv games, a scavenger hunt or a D&D campaign, but disliking cooking for a big group. Focusing on the events he enjoys hosting allows Sam to host a lot more.
prepare the environment. Sam credits a well-stocked kitchen and recipe list with his lack of stress when hosting groups of 20+ friends, because he knows he can cope with any situation. He can scale up or down his meals based on how many people decide to attend, and pivot to handle any allergies. But he thinks a prepared environment is important for more than just cooking - when planning a house party he also thinks about how he wants people to interact with the space and what vibe he wants to create.
“let the people be the people.” Once the environment has been prepared, Sam has a personal policy of getting out of the way and letting people interact in unexpected ways. He’s wary of overhosting. Sometimes events turn out different than he expects, but “different to how you expect is not bad,” he says.
keep track of what works. After every event, Sam takes stock of what worked and what he’d like to change. He thinks about what he could do differently, and asks his guests as well. He says the key is to give people the opportunity to provide positive and concrete feedback: for example, he’ll ask, “What’s one ingredient you’d add to this recipe1? Or one you’d take away?” This makes sure everyone can contribute and keeps the conversation feeling positive and fun, while also helping him host an even better event next time.
practice. “Sometimes things feel difficult and nervous until you’ve done them.” Sam has hosted his secular solstice event for years in a row, and has hosted dozens of large dinner parties, so he’s experienced lots of ways they can go and doesn’t worry about them anymore. His advice for readers? “Hosting lots of events means you’ll be less stressed the next time you do it.”
keep an eye out for a bonus newsletter - Sam’s list of cheap simple scalable recipes
These are really good tips! I feel like there’s something to be said about end times too. Something I found interesting about a bunch of casual EA-type events or parties is the way that the host/s will set an end time and stick to it hard. I think this can often be good, but it’s got to be well-timed, and adjustable according to the circumstances around the event. For instance, I went to a few weeknight type parties in the Bay over the summer last year where the hard and fast rule was 11 PM guests get kicked out. This felt fine and super appropriate, and was more or less the sensible time to leave a party on a work night anyway. But I went to this EAG afterparty where the host kicked everybody out at like 12 AM on the dot, and it felt a bit :( . (((He was really nice about it though and it was totally within his rights since its his house of course and it was generous of him to even have all those people there in the first place and I was super grateful to be invited and I had an awesome time and no shade whatsoever though everyone’s style is different and valid!!!))) But as for my own personal party + hostess style, a more partylicious event centered around something more major is ideally concluded a bit later maybe in order to optimize the fun. As a bit of a connoisseur of hosting, parties, dinner parties, karaoke parties, costume parties, showers, weddings, and events, and as someone raised in a family with a love of hosting and big group fun, a properly festive nighttime party’s natural fun peak is usually between 12 and 1AM, and it will likely wind down at around 2, which is then I think a good time to kick everyone out. The party is a subtle art though! And everyone has their own hosting style. But for my money, circa 11PM is the right weeknight kick-out time and 2AM is the right end time for celebratory though largely casual weekend event. A party has a natural lifespan, and the attentive hostess may like to schedule accordingly. That said, I just love parties so much and I love to go to all of them. :D